The Dreaded McDonald’s

June 28, 2011 at 9:04 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , )

So I’m sitting here on a Tuesday night, eating carrots out of a can and watching The Voice.  Today, I battled with myself the entire drive home from work on whether or not I was going to hit a McDonald’s drive thru.  Well, I did.  I got some chicken nuggets, fries, and a Sprite.  I feel so guilty every single time I cave in and do that.  I have to do a food log for my personal trainer, and every time I have to enter in something like this I feel like he’s going to judge me (although I know he won’t because he’s such a nice guy).

Calorie Counter iPhone App

*I have an awesome app on my iPhone called “Calorie Counter.”  It’s pretty cool because it was free and allows you to track you calories, carbs, protein, sodium, and exercise.  It can also scan barcodes which I think is awesome, as well as a really cool search feature.  I really recommend it to anyone who wants to make themself more aware of what they are eating.*

Anyway, so after I got home and basically shoveled in the Mickey D’s, I sat on the couch thinking about how stupid I was for giving in so easily and my terrible lack of self control.  It didn’t help that I couldn’t stop punishing myself for doing so wrong, that I almost had some ice cream as if that would somehow cure the pain.  Thankfully, and to show some self restraint, I did Zumba on my Kinect for 45 minutes which really kicked my butt and made me feel a bit better about my stupid choice.  Then I had canned carrots for desert, which is a better choice than ice cream would be.  I’ve had about 1,800 calories today, 72.5 grams of fat, 212 carbs, and only 49 grams of protein.  I hate that I did so poorly today with my eating, but at least my calorie intake was below 2,000 and I did exercise for a while today.

I have to remember not to beat myself up every time I make a bad decision food wise.  I’m going to slip up because I’m no where near perfect.  But, realizing that I made the mistake and doing something to somewhat make up for it is a step in the right direction.  Only a week and a half left of training until my friend comes to visit for 2 weeks.  Hopefully I can remain down the 1.5lbs I lost this past week.  Wish me luck!  And good luck to anyone who might be taking this venture as well.

– Becca =)

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And it All Begins!

June 24, 2011 at 1:49 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

I’m sure I’m not the first person to start a blog about the adventures into diet and exercise or the feelings and experiences associated with it.  I know I’m not the first 21 year old to be dissatisfied with her appearance.  And I’m definitely sure that more qualified blog writers, with their correct punctuations and witty anecdotes are more likely to be read than some random Family Studies major at Arizona State.  But, I am starting this because if one person reads this and realizes that there are others out there that are going through the exact same thing, then I will feel validated.  Or at least it will give me something else to do on the internet than just sit on Facebook or Perez Hilton.

Well, where to begin?  My name is Becca.  I’m 21 and about to start my senior year at Arizona State University.  I’m a Family Studies major with a minor in Theatre, and I plan to go to grad school (somewhere!) to obtain a Master’s in Social Work.  I hope to someday work for Child Protective Services.  I love potatoes, my Jetta, my pet tortoise Donatello, watching soap operas, and of course my family and friends.  I work as a nanny, and I absolutely love it.  Children are so cool and interesting, and they make me laugh in ways I didn’t know were possible.  There’s a lot more to me than I can really explain in one paragraph, and I’m sure I’ll be talking about myself a lot more than I’m used to on here.  But anyway, let’s get to what we’re all here to read about.

I have been struggling with my weight my entire life.  I was always a chubby kid, made fun of on the school bus, laughed at in PE, slower than all my friends, the list goes on and on.  When I was 15, I was diagnosed with ADHD (go figure) and I began taking Adderall.  I was able to lose a bit of weight on this, and ultimately when I was at my lowest: ~170-180 depending on the day.  I’m only 5’3”, so even this was substantially higher than I should be.  However, I think I was pretty cute in retrospect and I started dating a bit.  I was with the same guy for 4 years, and my weight definitely became an issue as our relationship went on.  But, we’ll talk about that another time.

My Grandmother and I in Tombstone, AZ when I was 8 or 9

At 21, I currently weigh 254lbs.  After typing that, I just sat there and stared at it for a moment.  It’s one thing to know it; it’s an entirely different thing to admit it.  I have a really difficult time with sharing my weight with anyone, even my personal trainer.  I began personal training with my mom about 3 weeks ago.  When I began, I did really well with my eating habits and lost about 10lbs (down to 250).  But, as it has been with every time I’ve tried to eat better, it didn’t last.  I did Weight Watchers a few times, tried to be vegetarian (which completely backfired on the weight loss because I just ate pasta and bread all the time), and tried to push myself to work out all the time.  I even considered trying to qualify for a Lap Band because my mom has one and it worked alright for her, so I went to the orientation meeting.  But because of the aforementioned boyfriend’s comments about how I would be copping out because I couldn’t do it myself, I didn’t continue with it.

After trying so many things, I gave up for a while and just didn’t care anymore.  So, I went from about 220 to 250 very quickly.  I was eating fast food every day, never exercising, and just going through the motions but not really living.  Spring semester of 2010, I did a semester abroad in Copenhagen, Denmark.  I lost about 30lbs over the 6 months I was there, simply because I was walking everywhere and not eating fast food for every meal.  When I got home last July, I was determined to keep the weight off.  Well, that didn’t last long and now I weigh more than I did before I left!

On my 21st birthday in Las Vegas, NV

For the past few months I have been feeling pretty depressed about my appearance.  I can only wear plus size jeans now (size 20, in case you wanted to know) which is really difficult for me because I do not look even slightly decent in high waist pants.  I have totally shut myself off from dating because I don’t feel like the kind of man who would date “someone like me” is anyone I would want to associate myself with.  All I think about is my weight and eating, it’s an obsession that I can’t stop.  I’m hoping that using this to talk about how I’m feeling might help me understand it all better.

The main motivation for my want to lose weight this time is my best friend’s wedding (not the movie for all you silly-minded kids out there).  My best friend since we were 12 is getting married in March, and I have the privilege of being her maid of honor.  Amanda is 5’2” and well under 120lbs.  She’s really, really pretty.  Prettier than she realizes, I think.  Anyway, her other brides maids are also very attractive, and then there’s me.  Short and stout.  I know that I am going to be miserable if I have to be her fat friend that ruins all the pictures on the happiest day of her life.  So, I am determined to lose the weight this time.  I want to be seen as just as beautiful as the other girls, and this is how it needs to be done.  The weekend after she got engaged, I signed up for personal training at TI Fitness in Gilbert, AZ with Brian, the trainer my mom has been using for quite some time.  He’s awesome, and I will give you all the details of our workouts as well.

Amanda and I in Hawaii, 2006

I’m also planning to see a nutritionist as soon as I find out how to do so with my insurance.  I have wanted to go for years, but I have never put enough effort into figuring it out.  This time though, it’ll happen.  I want this.  I want it more than I ever have.  But, we’ll see how it goes.  I’m always optimistic that things will go the way I want them, but so far things haven’t worked out as planned.  I get easily discouraged after about a week of any new thing I try, so maybe if I really try to commit and focus on the end result, I can get there?  Ultimately and ideally, I would like to weigh 140lbs because that is technically the highest I can be in my BMI.  I don’t know much about the BMI thing, but people talk about it so that’s what I’m shooting for.  I might not be able to lose it all by Amanda’s wedding, but if I can at least get under 200lbs I won’t feel as huge next to the girls.

I don’t know how often I am going to update this.  There might be a week or two without a post, and then randomly three posts in a day.  But, I promise to do my best to educate or entertain your life just that little bit more.

Alright, well that’s all I’ve got for now.  Thanks for reading, and hopefully this all will be just a piece of cake, or two.

– Becca =)

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